top 10

Well...I obviously didn't keep up with this blog. I know it's too late to salvage this part of my grade, but for the maybe one person who still checks this blog, I'm going to share with you part of my final. The assignment was to take the top 10 meaningful things you will take from the class. So here's my list!

1. Family systems theory: It was so interesting to map out my family system and learn how to look at it in such a way as to draw conclusions from it. Especially in mapping my family systems and the different kinds of boundaries, I learned a lot about the way I communicate with different members of my family and things I might need to do to have better relationships with some of them.

2. Genograms: I had never seen this method of branching a family tree, but I think it’s just the greatest! With all the different components of indicating male, female, age, death, etc., it really opened my eyes to some interesting patterns throughout several generations that I had never seen before and probably would never have noticed otherwise.

3. Effects of cohabitation: I have a really good friend who claims to be 100% against marriage, citing many different reasons why cohabitation is “better” than getting married. Until I took this class, I thought his logic was valid, though extremely skewed. When we learned that people who cohabitate have higher divorce rates, more substance abuse, less satisfying sex, etc., I was glad to know that I could have a valid, educated argument against that.

4. Communication: There were two things Brother Williams said that really stuck with me. One was, “Words are like bullets: once they leave the barrel, all you can do is first aid,” and the other was, “Pick your battles. Choose very carefully even the things you will discuss.” I’m not married yet, but this class has begun to teach me how vital good communication is and I think these are two really important tips to being sensitive while communicating with a spouse.

5. Attraction: This one might seem like kind of a stretch, but I thought it was really interesting when we learned about non-specific autonomic arousal. About how the chemical our brains produce when we are attracted to someone is the same as when we are scared. So, like the example we talked about in class, when we watch a scary movie with someone, we are more attracted to that person when we are scared. I think this is important to realize, especially as I’m dating and will  get married, to be able to discern between those feelings.

6. Family crisis: I love that we learned that, in Japanese (Chinese?), the symbol for “crisis” is “danger” and “opportunity” together. It’s true that in a crisis, our families can be put in danger, but there is also great opportunity for growth as we go through challenges and emerge stronger because of them.

7. You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need can never satisfy you: This was a really powerful quote to me and I think that it’s a vital thing for everyone to understand. There are things in our life that may not be good for us, yet out of habit or desire, we seek them out anyway. No matter how much of these things we acquire, it will never be enough—because these things don’t fulfill us or do anything to benefit our spirit.

8. Unmet needs: it was fascinating for me to learn that when children act out, for every kind of misbehavior, there is an essential need that is not being met. This is going to be one of the most important things I will take from this class, I think. Talking with my mom about it, she feels she kind of reached the same conclusions, but she did it over many years through trial and error. Even though I know it will still take time to learn, I’m glad I have some knowledge of this concept ahead of time!

9. Courtship/dating: I was really interested in the different models of dating, this unit got me thinking a lot about the relationships I’ve had, and which model they followed. I liked the guidelines that we set out for what constitutes a “real date” (planned, paired off, and paid for by the guy). I thought it was great when Brother Williams said, “ The patterns you set in dating set precedents for marriage. Dating, going on dates, is fundamental.” I think more of the boys here at BYU-I should take this class. Kidding! Ok, not kidding.

10. No girl/guy nights: This is kind of a big thing here at BYU-Idaho. I’ve heard my roommates and friends talk to their married friends on several occasions saying things like, “Oh ditch your husband Friday night so we can have a girls night!” And the married person responding really positively to this—I’ve also heard the same thing happen with boys, on occasion. We learned in class that there is no purpose for this, except to perpetuate the single lifestyle we had before getting married, and that it creates a rift in relationships. It made me realize how important date nights are and spending real, quality time with your spouse.