This week we were talking a lot about gender roles, leading up to friday when we talked about same gender attraction.
We watched a video in class where a mother said something to the effect of, "From the time my son was three years old, I knew he was gay."
EXCUSE ME?
That is the same as saying, "From the time my son was three years old, I knew he was sexually attracted to other men."
Yeah, it's that ridiculous.
Because he showed some tendencies we equate with girls, ones that are more feminine, she expected her son to be gay. From the time he was three she treated him like he was gay, so that's how he grew up.
Think about the power that has:
If we expect something of our children from the time they are young, whether it be to be honest or get straight A's, or be a star athlete, and then treat them like that as we raise them, how more likely are they to develop desirable traits?
Obviously I didn't see the film and don't know about the women who "knew" her son was gay from the time he was three. I doubt, however, she was saying her three year old was attracted to men. She probably meant something more along the lines of thinking he probably had crushes on other little boys the way other little boys develop crushes on little girls.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with what you wrote about expectations and I believe, in general, treating people certain ways helps them become more that way; for good or bad.
But, I do happen to know a woman personally who suspected her son might be gay from a very young age. She talk to her husband about it and they kept it between themselves. They didn't treat this boy any different from his brothers, did the same things with him, offered him the same opportunities, etc. In his early-mid twenties he finally came out and admitted he was, in fact, attracted to the same gender. He has made the decision to not act on it, is a worthy temple goer, passes the sacrament in his singles ward, and is as in good standing with the church as anyone else I know. Just because a mother or father suspects their child may struggle with SGA, even from a young age, doesn't necessarily mean they will treat them differently or express different expectations for that child. In fact, it seems to me, this mother, because she suspected it for so long and spoke with her husband about it, she was better equipped to deal with the issue when it did arise than if she'd had no intuition about it at all.
I don't mean to make this all about homosexuality. I do, however, believe some people are born with stronger tendencies than others whether it be to drugs, mental health problems, porn, alcohol, or same-gender attraction and feel the choices they make regarding it are more important than the tendency itself. And just because one believe something about another doesn't mean one necessarily changes their behavior toward and expectations of that person.
I'd also like to apologize for the novel of a comment. I just had a lot to say. Obviously. :D